Movin’ Right Along
So I’ve found myself in a funk…
..What do I mean by funk? I wish it was music related. Because I love that kind of funk. The funk I mean is, I feel like I’m in a bit of a rut. Bit down and out for no apparent reason. Nothing really to pinpoint it on. Well, let’s face it. I have plenty to be down about, but that’s not me. I have no time for negativity, and I guess that’s why I am here writing about it. To kinda get it off my chest, so to speak. Truth be known, I had been planning on writing a post as soon as I got Chemo last Wednesday (27th). The following day I wrote this on Facebook...
..And I guess that’s when I started to fall into that funk. It’s hard to describe, I wasn’t depressed, I wasn’t upset. I just did not feel like talking to anyone. Which, is not like me. Generally I’m happy to have a chat about anything. But recently, and I apologize those who fell victim of my silent treatment, I stopped answering my phone, didn’t answer texts, snapchats, any online messages I was ignoring for no particular reason.
I can be my own worst enemy. Because in my mind, that Wednesday I had every intention of seeing my daughters dance performance. No one put expectations on me, but when I was shaking & having trouble talking (from Chemo) I knew there was no way I could comfortably attend my daughters dance performance. Why is that significant?
That night when everyone else was at my daughter's performance, I was playing on my phone. We use Google Photos to manage our photos, and every now and again Google Assistant will automatically make a photo slideshow. The slide shows can be a hit or miss…A notification popped up, of course sitting there was a slideshow of Mila. Now there’s nothing special about the slideshow, but it made me realize, all the things I am missing because I am sick with Cancer, or fighting side effects of Chemotherapy. So yeah, that is what I think begun this funk. No ones fault, I wasn’t upset at anyone but myself. Frustration comes to mind. Frustrated that I believe my body is stronger than it is, only to be failed upon time & time again. Because in my healthy mind, how hard is it to go watch your kid’s dance recital?! Things that should be so easy and simple, quite frankly can be a struggle.
Anyway, the cloud is lifting. Whether that be the Chemo wearing off or I’m just coming to my senses, acknowledging reality and putting pen to paper, sharing my thoughts with you all, I think helps in a way. So thank you for taking the time to read about my thoughts.
Onward and upward. Positive thoughts, “moving right along” as Kermit and Fozzy would sing. So I survived round six, now initially we were under the impression after six I would get a bunch of tests to see where I am at. Which, isn’t completely untrue. The tests aren’t happening when I expected them to, however they are scheduled for April 25th. Until then, I’ll continue to receive treatment (Chemotherapy) every two weeks. Round seven, is scheduled for April 10th if they are happy with my blood work.